Things My Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION
"You better pray that this will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't stop it, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me REASON
"Because I said so, that's why."

My Mother taught me LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident"

My mother taught me IRONY
"If you keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there 'till your entire dinner is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER
"It looks as if a tornado swept through the gameroom."

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times--Don't exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful Mom like you do!"

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION
"Oh! You just wait until you get home!"

My Mother also, taught me about RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes like that, they are going to stay that way forever."

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD
"If you don't pass your tests, you'll never get a good job."

My Mother taught me HUMOR
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My Mother taught me about SEX

"How do you think you got here?"

My Mother taught me about GENETICS
"You're just like your father."

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS
"What is this? Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

And...

My Mother taught me about JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids ... and I hope they turn out to be just like you!"

Thanks to My Mom and all the other Mothers out there that are just full of wisdom. How else would we grow up and be good parents? lol